


The Fallen Bird

by TaizaiAlchemist



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, Character Death, Dick Grayson Has Issues, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Dick Grayson is Robin, Eating Disorders, Good Grandparent Alfred Pennyworth, Haly's Circus (DCU), Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jason Todd is Robin, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, No Beta, Police Officer Dick Grayson, Schizophrenia, Suicide Attempt, Tim Drake is Robin, scratch that, we die like Jason Todd, we die like robins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:27:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaizaiAlchemist/pseuds/TaizaiAlchemist
Summary: Dick Grayson had always been seen as the happiest Robin, flying high.He was the original Boy Wonder. He was a smart computer hacker. He was a skilled acrobat.Too bad no one knew the real person was drowning behind the mask.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 15
Kudos: 107





	The Fallen Bird

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TrikaLika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrikaLika/gifts).



> Man I just keep torturing this lovely bird. Don't worry I'll do a happy one soon :)
> 
> Trika... I hope this meets your standards. Love your headcannon book btw. 
> 
> WARNING: Mental Health Issues, Offensive term, Mild Language, Eating disorders, Referenced suicide and rape. 
> 
> Please avoid this if this isn't suited for you.  
> Without further ado. Here's the story.

Mary was concerned about her little Robin. 

Her first and only child was amazing bright eyed little boy. She had almost lost him during childbirth and the first few months were always a struggle but he pulled through. He was joy to have around. Literally. Dick would have a bright smile plastered on to his tanned cheeks. A bundle of energy that jumped spot to spot around the circus grounds along with his older cousin, John. She loved being tackled to the family couch after a long session of trapezing, hugged by the small boy whom she was proud to call her son. His soft giggles and greeting in his mother tongue. 

But when he wasn't that little happy boy...

It scared her. 

One moment he would bounce on the toes of his feet, a smile spread across his face. The next moment, he was on the floor, chubby fingers tangled in his hair, fat tears streaming down his cheeks. A hole in the wall accompanied him. It felt like a stab to the heart when she heard her son, scream and cry. The small boy would scream angrily into thin air claiming that they were people mocking him. She never saw anyone there. She would try and coax, encourage him to go play with John but then he would lash out on her. The boy believed that they faked their love to him and that he was all alone. Now that broke her heart. She hated when those meltdown occurred because hearts were shattered and emotions run sky high. In the end, hours later the small boy would burst into another set of tears then beg, beg and beg her for forgiveness. How could she say no? Dick was her own son.

In the evening of a cold November day, she remembered talking to John when the scream from two of the youngest members shattered their eardrums. Mary rushed out of their family trailer and feared the worst had happened to the two kids. John was a few feet away from her son, an irregular line of varying sizes thin layer dents imbedded into his arm, panic and shock etched on to his facial features. At first she thought an animal had bitten the teen. Dick was on the ground, one arm shielded his mouth, tears streamed down his bruised cheeks and droplets of red splattered the ground. The boy was screaming. John attended to his son while Mary went to her nephew and she kneeled in front of the oldest of the two children. The mark was blistering an angry red that was accompanied by a splash of purple. Her eyebrows furrowed. The marks were too irregular for an animal...Her eyes trailed down to his arm and then back at her son's shielded mouth. 

Then it hit her. 

John was not bitten by an animal. 

She'd ask her sister in law and brother in law whether it was normal. Richard decided to the voice of their opinion.

"Dick is not normal. Mary, he's somewhat ill in the head. Lord forgive when I say this but I think he is retarded."

Richard was good uncle to Dick. They had a decent nephew-uncle relationship. It hurt Mary when she hard that word. Hell it would hurt any mother who's child was labelled as a retard. Instead of taking his advice of taking her son to get professional help, she left him alone. 

Every child had an on and off day. 

Dick just had them frequently. 

There was nothing wrong with her son. 

* * *

The boy had been awfully quiet during his first few days at the manor. 

Alfred Pennyworth, he was a man who had seen quite a lot in his long life. War combat. Raising an orphaned boy. Then witnessing that orphan boy go out in the night as a vigilante bat. Yes.. Nothing could faze him anymore. Dick Grayson raised his interests however. The boy wasn't a nervous wreck when he arrived, he was just silent. It was to be expected. His family had died in front of his eyes. But he did not want the boy to suffer in silence. The first few days, Dick wandered around the manor grounds, not once, not twice, multiple times. Alfred noticed that during the young master's wandering of the manor but thought nothing of it. Master Bruce shared the same habit as a young lad and now he wandered the streets of Gotham, Nothing wrong indeed. 

Then the boy finally snapped one day.

It was a cold summer night, Alfred watched as Master Batman pulled up to the cave with the roaring engine of the Batmobile. He watched as the viligant pulled his cowl backwards to reveal the face of Bruce Wayne.

"Good patrol sir?" He asked as he removed the armor pieces of Kevlar.   
  


"Yes. No sign of breakouts in Arkham. What about Dick?"

"The young master Dick was watching tv when you had left sir. He went up to his room around about 9pm. He did wake up a few times for the occasionally snack and drink. Overall the young master has been quite reserved since you've been away."

Bruce grunted and buttoned up his casual shirt. "I'll go check on him. You should rest Alfred."

"I don't think that is quite possible sir."

The billionaire huffed and his face split into a small smile. The English butler was filled with a witty and blunt response. Bruce sighed as he exited the Bat-Cave and into the main library. He then walked up the stairs quietly to his ward's room, his own room was actually the one next to Dick's. He had done this just so that he could aid to the boy in the events of a nightmare which happened quite frequently. He raised an eyebrow as he heard slight shuffling in the boy's room. Was the boy suffering another nightmare? Maybe not... He's probably exhausted. The man soon retreated to kitchen area where Alfred stood in front of the teapot that was whistling and exhaling streams of steam. Of course he would be here. 

"Alfred..."

"Tea sir?" The butler ignored what the man was trying to imply and decided to just change the subject. 

"Yes please." Bruce commented and sat down in his seat, he held the cup close as he watched the poured warm brown liquid swirl inside. The man then took a sip. It was refreshing. His shoulders slouched and his gaze rested upon the man who had raised him. "Great as always Alfred." 

"Well thank you Master Bruce. Just a little care is always added to the remedy. How is the young master?"

"He was shuffling quite a bit. I didn't want go in just in case he was sleeping and he's a restless sleeper. I mean you've seen how much of a ball of energy he is."

"Indeed. I'll go check up on the young master. After that I shall see you fully clothed and ready for bed. At least the young master sticks to a healthy sleep schedule." Alfred commented as he left the room, he captured the shocked and slightly offended look from the billionaire. The butler climbed the stairs and straightened out his uniform in order to look more presentable. He then stopped at the door of the young master's room. Indeed Master Bruce was correct, there was clearly audible shuffling emitting from inside the room. Alfred brought a hand up to knock on the door, his knocks were much softer than his son and were in pairs meanwhile Bruce did a triplet of knocks. 

_Knock._

_Knock._

_Thud!_

_Crash!_

That didn't sound right at all. 

"Master Dick?" Alfred called out, he raised an eyebrow and entered the room. 

The English butler was then welcomed by the blinding beam of light and an unidentifiable object blindly thrown at him. Luckily it had missed, he bit his tongue to suppress the curse that threatened to slip from his mouth. 

"G-Get away from here!" 

Alfred was able to blink away the dancing navy blue and orange dots that had formed in his eyes, in front of him was Master Dick. However something was wrong. The boy was under his bed, a flash light gripped tightly in his small hands. His tableside lap had fallen and shattered into a series of tiny crystals of glass. Dick had such an angered look plastered on to his face, his eyes however almost matched the same unmistakable sadness that the boy had been feeling on the day of his parent's death. Terrified. 

"Master Dick I assure you it's just me." 

"A-Alfie?" 

"Yes it is me, young master." The English man then kneeled down and reached for the raven haired who immediately flinched away as soon as he registered the action. Dick's gaze switched from the butler to the wall and back. It went on for several moments. The boy looked back to see only to see Alfred's hands were still outstretched. The boy clasped on to Alfred's hand and wearily climbed out from underneath the bed, his eyes fixtated on the butler as if to say. 'You are staying right?' He then sat on the bed and trembled on the spot. 

"O-Oh...B-But they were right t-there.."

"May I ask who were here Master Dick?"

Dick gave the old man a look as if he had two heads. He looked confused. 

"T-They were!" He pointed towards the wall. Alfred glanced at the wall. He saw nothing. 

"Master Dick I do not see anything."

"But.. They were... look they're still someone there, he's saying something too!" 

Still nothing. The room was particularly quiet and the wall still remained there. No one was there. But Alfred did not lose his patience. Instead he listened to the terrified boy, whose chest raised up and down at quite a fast pace. The boy was suffering a panic attack. He then placed his hands on the young boy's shoulders. 

"Master Dick. Just look at me. Don't look at them just focus on me. Can you do that?"

A small nod came from the boy. Good he was focused. 

"Do you know what they are saying to you and me?"

"Kinda. It's all jumbled up mostly but they keep something like... They're coming." 

"What do they look like?"

The boy remained silent and glanced at the wall. 

"Master Dick, only look at me remember?"

He watched as the young boy immediately stared back at him and waited for the boy to answer. 

"T-They're really tall... T-Too many o-of 'em... They're like soldiers.. They have guns-" Dick flinched and fiddled with his hands as he stared at Alfred. "But then there's this real big guy... He's so large and he said he's gonna hurt Bruce and break his back! I never see him but I always see the ones with guns and they always walk around me at night and I-I'm scared that they're gonna do somethin'..." The boy trailed off but flinched as if a loud noise was produced and craned his neck to the wardrobe. "T-They're in there!"

Alfred's gaze shifted to wardrobe as well and he was about to pull back from the boy who then tightened his grip on him.

"W-What if they hurt you? Like they said they would!"

"Master Dick I assure you, nothing would happen to me." The English man reassured and stood, he then held the boy's hand as he led him to the wardrobe. Dick flashed the light at the object that the butler was about to open. Alfred opened the door to the wardrobe and heard small gasp erupt from the boy next to him. There were only clothes and a few pairs of shoes scattered on to the ground. 

"B-But I-I heard..." The raven haired sulked and his head dropped down. "You must think I'm crazy." Alfred pressed a hand to the boy's forehead, no sign of a fever at all. 

"What makes you say that?"

"That I'm seeing and hearing all these things. Now you're gonna tell Bruce and he's going to send me to the Juvie... Then I'll be transferred to Arkham where all the crazies are."

"No such thing will be done!"

Dick tensed as he stared at the older man with a surprised look, he watched as the man placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Master Dick. I promise you. I love you with all my heart and although we may have not known each other for that long. I would be happy to consider you my own grandson. Underneath.. Inside you is a brave boy who has endured so trauma. I do not care if you see or hear things that others can't decipher. There is no bloody way I nor Master Bruce would send a young lad like you to that god-dreadful Arkham. Let me make a promise to you my young lad, when ever you feel like you are drowning... Call me. I will always be here to help you back up. That I promise. "Alfred finished and remained to hold the boy's shoulders. 

"Can you not tell Bruce about this? About the voices I hear... Or what I see. The voices said that if I tell him then he'll get hurt and then he'll hate me forever... Then I'll be alone." 

Voices? Alfred was concerned but he couldn't break the promise to the boy. It would crush his trust in him. 

"I promise. Just come to me whenever and I'll keep this from Master Bruce."

"Thank you Alfred... I promise to do just that." Dick hugged the older man, the tears finally releasing themselves from their prison and streamed down his pale cheeks. "Least you don't think I'm a retard..." 

"No Master Dick." The English butler wrapped his arms around the boy. "No I do not. Never on my life."

* * *

It was all too much. 

The failsafe was a training stimulation gone wrong. 

Indeed it was.

Dick was in his room, hands gripped on to his ruffled hair. A weight of stress leaned on his shoulders and constricted his chest. The air in the room was getting thinner. The raven haired panted and clawed his throat, his nails brushed against his skin and left a burning sensation. He couldn't breathe! He needed to breathe! His head felt like it was about to explode. The voices taunted him again and again. 

**_It was all your fault._ **

**_They died under your orders._ **

**_You dragged your best friend to be blown to pieces at the core._ **

**_You are more of a murderer than a hero._ **

**_Villains kill. Not heroes. You're a villain._ **

"I didn't mean to kill them.. N-No that wasn't the plan.. I-I did what was best."

**_Killing them was the best option?_ **

"No it wasn't."

**_Then why do it?_ **

"We did it to save people."

**_What's the point of saving people when you still kill people in the process?_ **

"I didn't mean.. I-I.. I-I'm a k-k-killer.. I-I killed my friends..." Dick felt sick to his stomach and he bit back a sob, the snakes of guilt tangled up and knotted his stomach. It was getting harder to breathe. The raven haired whimpered and wrapped an arm around his stomach, his other hand gripped his hair as he rocked back and forth. He was drowning. He was drowning in a sea of guilt. It felt like water clogged his ears and static danced around his ears. He couldn't breathe. The voices were right. They were always right. Why did he believe the lies people told him? He could sense the smell of smoky skin burning drift throughout the room and filled his nostrils. He could smell his best friend, Wally. Burning. Burning because of an action that he performed. It was revolting. Something crawled out of his throat and escaped from his mouth, the contents of the dinner (he was forced to eat by Alfred) spilled on to the ground. A hand laid on his shoulder and refused to lift. The phantoms... The phantom hands of the friends he killed. 

"Ric... sten... to me."

Someone was trying to speak him. The voices clouded his mind and blended together, the person words were all jumbled and incoherent. 

"Richard!" 

He looked up and through his cloudy vision was able to make out the outline of the person in front of him. 

Dr. Thompkins.

"L-L-Leslie...?"

"Deep breaths."

Deep breaths... Easier said than done. Dick wheezed and clutched his chest with his hands as he desperately tried to not hyperventilate. The raven haired winced and choked back at the gag that erupted from him. He whimpered and stared at Leslie... Everything was going to normal- There was a figure beside her and his eyes widened. It was the skeletal corpses of the team. Artemis, most of her was shredded and her cranium was exposed. Kaldur's skin was stripped and his gear was still intact. Connor's spine was twisted horizontally and most of his skeletal features were visible. Then there was his best friend, Wally. Oh Jesus. Wally's skin was blackened like a roasted barbeque, his Kid Flash suit ruined, melted goggles melted on to his face. They all pointed an accusing glare at him... Like he had done something horrible to them... Of course. He had fucking killed them. 

"Richard-"

"T-They're dead. They're dead. They're dead..." The boy mumbled, his eyes unfocused on to the doctor in front of him. 

"Richard who are dead?"

"T-Team. Their bodies are surrounding you! How can you not see them?!" 

"It's just the two of us." 

"No. There isn't. No there isn't. They're here. Connor is behind you... Kaldur is literally standing next to you.. Artemis is there too. Wally's coming near me. They're all pointing at me! I killed them and they are right!"

"You didn't kill any-"

"THEY ARE FUCKING STANDING THERE WITH THEIR DEAD CORPSES HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEM?!"

"You're hallu-"

"I'M NOT SEEING ANY FUCKING ILLUSIONS. I CAN SEE THEIR CORPSES, I CAN SMELL THE FUCKING BURNT SKIN, I CAN FEEL THE HANDS OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED. I HEAR THE FUCKING VOICES. THERE IS BLOOD ON MY HANDS. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SCRUB. IT'S STILL THERE!" Dick screamed and glanced at his hands. The hands were stained with red and it was stuck to him. It was remainder of how many people he had killed. He was a killer. His gaze turned to Leslie. A frown on her face and he studied her features. She was... upset. Then the anger inside him washed away and he slowly curled away from the doctor. The dangerous look in his eyes were then replaced with shock and disbelief. Leslie felt her heart break.... He looked like a helpless animal... No he looked like a boy who had suffered with too much trauma and had struggled with the war of deteriorating mental health. 

"Jesus Bruce... What have you gotten this poor boy into?" She whispered to herself and continued to watch as Dick's defensive mask slipped and cracked. The boy let out a series of wails. 

"I-I didn't mean to kill them... W-Wasn't part of the mission... W-When will the voices just stop...?" The raven haired hiccupped and shielded away from the woman, his face covered by his stained hands, the hands stained by his friends' blood. 

"Richard when did these voices start?"

"E-Ever since I-I was a kid..."

"A kid... We need to tell-"

"NO! You can't tell Bruce!"

"Dick this is a serious matter-"

"No please no! Just please.... Alfred knows... Just not don't tell Bruce. He's gonna ground me as Robin and that's the last thing I need right now. Robin is keeping ahold right now... That wasn't Robin commanding. It was Dick Grayson.. Dick Grayson controlled Robin with his reckless thoughts. Got all his friends killed. Dick Grayson killed them all. Dick Grayson is a murderer." The raven haired rambled as he rocked back and forth as he wrapped his arms around his knees that leaned against his chest. 

"Listen to me right now. You are not a murderer. You are just a 13 year old."

"B-But..."

"You went in the training unprepared. Things don't happen smoothly in the world. You led the team, even though they died in the Failsafe, you gave your heart out to save others. It shows you aren't a selfish person and you willing to help others. The most important thing is that the team is not dead and they are alive and well." Leslie explained and sat on her chair as she stared at the trembling boy. "I will not tell Bruce of this... mental breakdown. Alfred will be informed.. Dick these voices are not normal. No child should hear voices at such a young age. I'm pre-diagnosing you after this session once I get a finalized diagnosis you'll receive medications." She sighed and wrote down a few more notes before shutting her book closed. 

Dick remained silent and held his arms with a frown. The raven haired kept rocking back and forth. He let his mask slip for just a moment... 

Just a moment. 

He didn't want that cracked mask to break. 

_No one should see the freak behind it._

* * *

Jason knew that was something wrong with Dick. How could someone be so optimistic all the time, even in times of stress? It confused him. Dick was the Golden kid of the whole goddamn superhero society. Jason and Dick were on patrol and they encountered a teenager much like Dick's age standing on one of the tall buildings of Sweet old Gotham. What would a teen be doing out in the cold? They were placed on the edge of the building almost as if they wanted- Oh shit. Robin stared as Nightwing attempted to coax the fellow teenager to step away from the ledge, it was never good to alert the victim... The new boy wonder frowned and bit his lip as he hoped that the original boy wonder would calm down the victim down and away from causing themselves harm.

Time felt like time slowed down as he watched the teen slip from the building. arms stretched out, wanting to be held by the air as they fell over the edge. The scream that Nightwing released pierced his eardrums and fear slithered down his back making himself flinch. 

They soon learned that the teenager was only 14. Just like Jason himself. 14 years old.

Dick shut down and didn't turn up to Mount Justice for almost a month. Hell he didn't even touch the Nightwing suit. The man hid away in his room at the manor. Bruce had commented that Dick just needed time to himself and it was right that he was taking a break from the vigilante life. It was taking his toll on him. But Jason knew it was wrong for the usual bundle of energy to be cooped up in his room all day. The dickhead had barely been eating as well, sure he ate at the table with the rest of the family but Jason didn't mistake forceful purging noises emitting from inside his brother's room merely an hour after they had eaten. The younger teen knocked at his brother's door and entered the room, there was no one there. He then heard retching noises that originated from the bathroom and he peeked inside, he felt his heart sink down to the bottom of his body.

The acrobat that was a bundle of energy at the start of the patrol was now gone. The troublemaker saw him laid on the ground rambling out of his mind like the druggies back at Crime Alley.

"Dick?" 

The raven haired looked at Jason, drool and bile crusted on to the side of his mouth. Sweat latched on to his shirt that looked like it hadn't even been washed in days. His left arm gripped on to toilet seat while his arms laid lump by his side stained by what seemed like bile. 

"Jesus Christ Dick you look like shit..." Jason mumbled and worriedly gaped at his older brother. No response.... 

"138..." Dick broke the silence. 

"W-What.."

"138.. That was how much I weighed when I was 14. Being short didn't help."

Jason remained silent as he was confused where the conversation was heading. 

"I-I felt disgusting. I mean I guess having muscle helped but that didn't change anything. They always say puberty causes boys to gain weight or something along those lines. Bruce thought it was fine. Said Robin training would help me slim down and gain more muscle mass. Didn't help the fact that they kept on calling me fat in front of the mirror. I just wanted it to end." Dick let out a small chuckled and stared at his stained arm. "Caught a stomach bug from school. The pain in my stomach felt too much. Threw up everything I ate.... Then I realized how great it felt. I lost alot of weight. So surely if I throw up everything I ate then... I would be burning off the calories faster. A disgusting person like me didn't deserve to eat. It's a punishment that brings me pleasure for some odd reason." The raven haired mumbled and stared at his younger brother, he let out a disgusted laugh... Sounded way too much like the Joker for Jason's liking.

"If only it brought me the same pleasure as before. The voices told me to throw it up. But it wasn't bringing me any pleasure.... The voices have never been wrong.. Sometimes I would just want to... Get something to rip my skin a new layer... Break the shell that I fee like I'm becoming."

"Stop..."

Or Just fall like the Flying Graysons.. More like Falling Grayson am I right? If I fell instead of that kid, you'd think people would change the group name to Falling Graysons. Then it would be complete right? No one would have to fucking suffer because of me!"

"....P-please-"

"I could have done something but I didn't! I watched them fall. I had to be one to fall! If I fell then all the problems and dread would go away, maybe then that kid wouldn't feel lonely I would gladly and wishfully take their place-"

"DICK PLEASE!"

"...What?!" The raven haired spat, the words felt like a slap to the face for Jason and even Dick could sense the harsh nature that he had showed.

"D-Dick p-please...Fucking stop please... I-I don't want hear about that an-anymore..." He flinched as he registered the look on Jason's face. Horror, tears at bay... Shit his mask slipped. Jason was just a kid. He didn't need to see that... "Little Wing?"

"Uh-huh?" Jason let out a yelp as he felt the older teen had a hardened grip on his shoulders.

"Don't tell anyone. Please. Not even fucking Alfred or Bruce. "

The look plastered on Dick's face looked twisted in pain and helplessness.

"D-Dick that a-ain't norm-"

_**You made him cry you fucking idiot.** _

_**You always hurt those around you when you speak up.** _

_**Shut up and stay silent about it. Smile and wave it off.** _

"Jason please! I don't know, it's all catching up to me. I've never seen anything like it.. I'll be f-fine. J-Just keep this little... problem between the both of us. Okay?"

.... Later that same week, Dick appeared at Mount Justice. Fully clothed in Nightwing gear and cracked jokes with the rest of the team. Everyone seemed to be glad that he was back and no longer down. But no one knew the truth.. Except Jason. This Nightwing was fake. This was not the Nightwing he witnessed on the bathroom floor puking his guts out. No this Nightwing was an imposter. How could Dick just smile as if nothing ever happened? It was he didn't want anyone to know he was suffering mentally..... 

The golden smile remained on Dick's face.

It **terrified** him. 

Jason swore that he would keep his mouth shut about the secret. He just wanted Dick to be alright after the whole ordeal had ended. 

Too bad he died with that untold secret. 

* * *

He's an adult now. 

He was still part of the Young Justice team. Dick sat down at his desk in his apartment, he rocked back and forth as he stared at the case in front of him, it wasn't any League but police work. The Bludhaven Police needed more recruits and he was opted for it, he gripped the locks of raven colored locks and gritted his teeth. He couldn't concentrate at the task in front of him. Phantoms hands were all over him. His hips, his sides...He was so worthless, he couldn't concentrate on something so simple without the use of colored pills. 

Had to thank Luthor for that one. 

He may have been present when Luthor announced the plan on mental health medication. 

He may have watched the people of Bludhaven break into Pharmacies and destroy the medication stock.

He may have been there to stop people but was useless like the rest of the department. 

Now a few months later, he had no medication. His last dosage ran out three weeks ago. He hadn't even been taking them regularly. Not after that rainy night... The hands stroked his lower back and he flinched away. He couldn't handle it anymore. Her hands were all over him. He then felt a hand edge towards the top of his leg to his groin, it travelled towards his- No no no... he pressed them together and yelped. 

"Stop that. It's all in my head. No one is there..."

**_You are weak._ **

**_Bruce would be ashamed of you._ **

"No he wouldn't... No.. He wouldn't leave me-"

_**But he took Robin away from you. Handed it out like candy.** _

_**He fired Robin because he thought you were incompetent.** _

_**Daddy left you in big bad Bludhaven, he doesn't even call you to hang out.** _

"B-But I still got my brothers-"

_**You don't have anyone.** _

_**Jason died with your dirty little secret.** _

_**Tim doesn't want anything to do with you after you stripped his title away.** _

_**Why would little Damian waste his time with a dog like you?** _

Dick trembled and held his shoulders as he paced back and forth in his bedroom, the voices were right, They had been in the dark for quite awhile, he was doing so so well. Then the medication stopped working. They came back, slapping him with the hard truth. He had been a fool for locking them away. Dick whimpered and whacked the thin air, her figure was resting at the corners of his eyes. Too many hands were all over him. Why did they give him that type of case? Why why why? The raven haired wanted it to end. There was only one way for it to end. He stilled as the pairs of hands stroked his body and he whimpered as he tossed the chair to the ground. He just wish he could get her off him. 

_Ring Ring Ring!_

He craned his neck to see his phone screen illuminated and he glanced at the contact. It was Damian. He picked up the phone with trembling hands. He had to drop the weak act altogether. 

"Hey Dami, what's up?"

"Tt.. Grayson where are you?"

"In my apartment why?"

"You've already forgotten.. Did you really push back the fact that we were going to watch your worthless movies tonight and night over?"

Oh shit. 

"Ah man.. Sorry Dami I forgot. I need you to come another time instead. There's so much paperwork to do and I've been working on this case." The man explained, he completely forgot that he had promised the boy. He stilled as a hand brushed against his cheek and he yelped.

"Is something wrong Richard?"

"W-What no! I-I'm fine! I'm fine!"

_**You are such a liar. You've always have been.** _

"You don't sound fine."

**_Even your younger brother can see through your bullshit._ **

**_Everyone is finding out the true person underneath the mask._ **

"Look Dami I need to go. I'll call you later." The hands are getting worse, he can barely hold himself together anymore... 

"But I need to tell-"

"Yeah say to Bruce I'm sorry! Look Damian I need to fucking go now! Bye!" The man slammed the device to the ground and watched as the screen shattered and split like the mask on his face. He was broken and he didn't want anyone else finding out. He had put alot of people at risk because the filthy person underneath the mask. Dick gripped his hair and tried to think straight, his mind was jumbled and he whacked his forehead with his hands. He needed to end it all. He had to end it all. It was all too late for him. The mask was too broken.. Couldn't hide the ugly side of himself anymore. Dick hyperventilated as the room began spinning, it was cold like that night, the thick layer of grime attached itself on to his body. 

**_What happened Goldie losing control of his life?_ **

**_You should just end it all._ **

**_You are all alone._ **

"I give up. I'm sick of lying to myself now... I want to end it. Please make it all end..." Dick sank to the floor and curled up gripping his hair. Another crack to his mask. 

**_Then go ahead.. Fall like the Falling Graysons._ **

**_Or..._ **

**_Use the last thing you used as an escape._ **

.... Bludhaven Police was his last escape.... His sunken blue eyes drifted towards the littered desk and noticed a safe. The man slowly lifted himself up with the remaining strength that coursed through his arms and applied the code to the lock and shakily opened the door. Resting in front of him was his pistol. Perfect. A swift but painful death.

He could finally make the voices go away. Permanently. Dick held the heavy weighted object in his hands, he pressed the butt of the gun to his forehead and thought to himself. He didn't even leave a goodbye note. Not like anyone missed. He was doing them a favor. He made Jason suffer in silence with his burdens. His recklessness caused him to be stripped of the title of Robin and strained his relationship with Bruce. He took away the title from Tim to give Damian a chance. What the hell was he thinking? Then he was a terrible role model for Damian. He was a dog in his relationship with Babs. Their relationship ended because Dick couldn't stop being a dog. He couldn't man up.. He truly was alone. 

He failed everyone. 

The last Flying Grayson was about dive and plummet to his death. Good he deserved it. He felt a cold object press against the side of his head. Soon it would be over... The pain. The hands. The voices. They would all stop.

"Richard John Grayson!"

His eyes snapped open and darted to side. 

Alfred.

Disbelief painted the English man's face and he had dropped the bags of groceries he had bought for his grandson. 

_**Wow you can't even perform your death right!** _

_**Pathetic!** _

Dick's lip quivered and the hands were caressing his upper leg and hip. He felt filthy. He was a filthy animal standing in front of his own grandfather, his fingers readjusted on his executioner's loop. The raven haired sucked in a long breath as he tries to suppress the cry. The look Alfred gave him... So familiar to the look that his mother, that kid and Jason had given him. They were all dead. Died with his dirty little secret. He never wanted anything to happen to Alfred so he had to end it.

_**Do it!** _

He was gonna do it. 

**_Do it!_ **

He was gonna do it.

_**Do it!** _

He would do it.

_**Do it!** _

..... The chants went on and on in his head...

"Master Dick... Please."

His heart dropped. Tears flowed down his pale cheeks. 

He couldn't do it. 

His executioner clattered on to the ground, Alfred walked towards it and pushed away out of both of their ranges. 

"M-Make 'em stop... "

"Make what stop Richard...?"

"V-Voices.. P-Pain.. H-Hands... J-Just let it end.. P-Please A-Alfie please..." Dick mumbled and felt the gradual loss of control of his legs as he collapsed into the English man's arms. The butler held his grandson, he had grown so much from that scared 9 year old boy to crime fighting hero. It pained him greatly that the man was drowning behind the scenes. He was then snapped out of his thoughts when the raven haired whispered to him. "When will it all stop... Will it ever end?" Ocean blue eyes dulled with such hopelessness and fear stared up at him. 

"I don't know if it will ever stop Master Dick."

He paused, tears threatened to leave his eyes. 

"But I will always be here to support you." 

"E-Even though I've lost it?"

"Master Dick. Have you already forgotten our promise?"

That one made him flinch. The depressed man shook his head rapidly and hugged his grandfather closely. He was so goddamn tired... Tired of lying, tired of hiding, tired of suffering. 

"I-I really don't know A-Alfie... "

"When ever you feel like you are drowning... Call me. I will always be here to help you back up. **That I promise to you**." Alfred wiped the tears in his eyes and looked down at the man... He looked so much like the little boy he was back then when they had first encountered. "I'll never abandon you. I'm right here. There is no need to hide the truth Master Dick. Just open up... Please."

The raven haired felt his heart drop to the lowest depths of his body, the voices silenced for the first time in quite a long time. The man's breath hitched and his vision clouded once more as his lips quivered. 

The last fragments of the mask chipped away. 

Dick wailed as he broken down in the older man's arms. 

He was saved...Saved from drowning. Just like Alfie promised him. 

Maybe... 

Maybe soon....

**_Maybe soon you'll fly like the true robin you were meant to be._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Wow-  
> Alright maybe my darkest oneshot and hell it is my longest... Ending feels a little out of it but I mean.. I usually suck at endings ^^"  
> Please leave kudos and comments down below! 
> 
> Please for those suffering, reach out to friends and family. Do not suffer in silence. 
> 
> You guys have a great day and remember there is always someone there to lift you up whenever you feel like you are falling down. :)


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